Epictetus, The Handbook 8: Missing the Boat

When you are on a voyage, and your ship is at anchorage, and you disembark to get fresh water, you may pick up a small shellfish or a truffle by the way, but you must keep your attention fixed on the ship, and keep looking towards it constantly, to see if the Helmsman calls you; and if he does, you have to leave everything, or be bundled on board with your legs tied like a sheep.

So it is in life. If you have a dear wife or child given you, they are like the shellfish or the truffle, they are very well in their way. Only, if the Helmsman calls, run back to your ship, leave all else, and do not look behind you. And if you are old, never go far from the ship, so that when you are called you may not fail to appear.

—Epictetus, The Handbook, Chapter 7 (tr Matheson)

We like to tell people how busy we are, from meeting that deadline at work to getting the children to ballet practice. These are entirely First World problems that come with entitlement, and I suspect there is more bragging here than actual complaining. We seem to think the more occupied we are, the more important we are.

Life will not throw dozens of competing tasks at us, asking us to complete them all as quickly as possible. Life gives us only one task, and that is to live with wisdom and virtue, under any and every condition. Let’s not miss the boat because we are buying souvenirs at the gift shop.

I once knew someone who would regularly say that she “took advantage of every opportunity.” She was baffled and dumbstruck when I asked what she was using these opportunities for. Was it about money, or about fame, or about feeling like an achiever? Or was it about practicing love and justice?

It is a cliché to say that life is like a journey, but the fact is that this is true. It is also a cliché to say that life is about the journey itself, and not the destination, and this is also true. These things are true not in the sickly sweet sense of a Hallmark card, but because Nature has simply asked us to live with excellence, whatever our circumstances may be.

Of all the things we are given, and of all the things we are asked to do, I find that the only way to avoid drowning in anxiety and frustration is to remember why I am here. It is really just about the priorities.

All the trappings and distractions of life, like a career, finding the perfect mate, buying a home, sending the children to just the right school, making the best financial investments, or looking grand in those vacation pictures, are really just the shellfish and truffles. Getting back on the boat means recognizing that I am here only to act with character and conviction, whether I am washing dishes or managing a hedge fund.

Life is going to put all of us in exactly the same place in the end: the grave. In the meantime, what Nature gives us is intended for living well. Let’s be certain we know what that means.

As ridiculous as it seems, I once spent a very difficult week in my life repeating the phrase “selfish shellfish” to myself in order to keep my actions on track. Thank you, Epictetus.

Written in 7/1997