The blame game.

"If a thing is in your own power, why do you do it? But if it is in the power of another, whom do you blame? Chance, or the gods? Both are foolish. You must blame nobody. For if you can, correct that which is the cause; but if you cannot do this, correct at least the thing itself; but if you cannot do even this, of what use is it to you to find fault? For nothing should be done without a purpose."

--Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 8 (tr Long)

At the root of all Stoic ethics is the principle that our happiness rests in what is within our power, and not in what is outside of our power. It is easy to say, but more difficult to fully understand or to do. I think this is not because of any great complexity in the concept, but rather because the world around us is constantly telling us the exact opposite. It is difficult to turn to reliance upon one's own thoughts and deeds when most everyone around you is telling you to look outside for contentment, to acquire, to consume, to be seen.

The infamous "blame game" is part of this illusion many of us live under. We come across things in our day that seem harmful or unpleasant, and we immediately look around for who is at fault. Why is my pay so low? It must be the politicians and the bankers. Why am I sick? It's the corporations who put chemicals in my food and poisons in the air. Why am I lonely? Because society is unfair.

Many people around us may well indeed be responsible for many dastardly deeds, but that is on them. I can change what is within my power, and that is the fullness of my living. If good and bad are within my power, then I must only seek one and avoid the other. If good and bad are truly outside my power, no blame will have any purpose. The only effect the blame will have, unfortunately, is to hinder myself with frustration. I must indeed change what I can, but I must also learn to accept what I cannot change.

If I am poor, sick, or alone, it achieves nothing to point a finger at anyone else. I must ask, however, what I myself can do with the circumstances of my life to be good myself. We usually run from the burden of responsibility, but nothing is more liberating that being fully responsible for oneself.

If I see injustice, I can be just. If I see suffering I can give love. If I see loneliness I can offer friendship. The justice, love, and friendship of others, however, are hardly under my control.

I often suggest the exercise of quietly observing a group at work, school, or play. Observe how much time and how many words are spent in criticizing others. The danger of the exercise, and it's subtle lesson, is not starting to blame others for blaming others. I rule only myself. 

Written on 3/20/2005

Image:  Statue of Marcus Aurelius, Piazza del Campidoglio, Rome