Don't let others define you.

"How much trouble he avoids who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does or thinks, but only to what he does himself, that it may be just and pure; or as Agathon says, look not round at the depraved morals of others, but run straight along the line without deviating from it."

--Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 4 (tr Long)

I have often struggled to make sense of the tension between what the world preaches to me about the good life, and what it actually practices.

On the one hand, from childhood I was taught that a person should be curious, independent, open-minded, creative, and to follow his own path toward fulfillment.

On the other hand, I see those very qualities discouraged by the examples of indifference, conformity, blind acceptance, and the following of the herd.

The saying and the doing don't always seem to match up.  Perhaps that is because the former is easy, but the latter can be hard?

I see this most often in the way we define our own moral purpose.

I hardly follow my own conscience when I simply do what the mob demands of me.

I recently had a student who understood exactly how and why he was being sent out of class, over and over again, because he was disrespectful and disruptive. After talking about it and thinking the problem through, I think he made an important discovery. He realized that his actions stemmed from a need to be popular, to be liked, to be accepted by others. I was deeply moved by the sincerity of his reflection.

As a creature of being and will, Nature made me to rule myself. When I surrender that gift, I surrender my humanity. And when I determine my own dignity by what others might or might not think of me, I have gone against Nature itself. I am no longer a man, but a puppet.

Conformity or non-conformity, popularity or disgrace, are in themselves indifferent. I must choose to accept either, and to find whatever good there may be in those circumstances. Don't do what you do because it is trendy, don't avoid something because it is frowned upon. Do it because it is right. You are the Captain of your ship.

Follow your conscience, but make certain also that your conscience is informed. None of this means an arrogant submission to our selfish desires. That too, is surrender, not to popularity, but to blind passion.

Cicero once said: "I have always been of the opinion that unpopularity earned by doing what is right is not unpopularity at all, but glory."

Written on 8/14/2005

Image: Paolo Veronese, The Choice of Hercules: Allegory of Virtue and Vice (c. 1565)